WIFE: i'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour!
HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?
WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MO NA!!!
> >>-------------------------------
MISTER: pag namatay ka, isusulat ko sa nitso mo "MALAMIG NUNG BUHAY,
MAS MA LAMIG NUNG MAMATAY!"
MISIS: Ah ganun?! sa nitso mo naman "SA WAKAS NANIGAS DIN!"
> >>--------------------------------
WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO HELL",
kaya ito uwi agad ako..
> >>---------------------------
SEXY: Maawa ka! meron ako, meron ako!
RAPIST: AHH! Walang meron-meron sa kin! TITIKMAN KITAA!!
SEXY: WAG! AY!
RAPIST: Yaakk!! Meron ka nga! Meron kang itlog. >>Bakla!
> >>-----------------------------
1st night lola wear see thru dress, lolo didn't react...
2nd night lola wear t-back, lolo still deadma...
3rd nyt lola all naked, lolo said "anu yan suot mo, >>gusot-gusot!!"
> >>--------------------------------
Juan: b-day ng asawa ko
Pedro: ano regalo mo?
Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
P: ano naman sinabi?
J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
P: ano binigay mo?
J: Baraha.
> >>------------------------------
Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve!
Student: That's not true! ! My dad says we are >descendants of an Ape!
Teacher: We are not talking about your FAMILY!
> >>----------------------------
RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space
USA: we're 1st in the moon
ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun
USA: you can't go there, you'll burn
ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!
> >>---------------------------
Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.
> >>--------------------------
KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na! ;tayo dito wala pa rin siya!
Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya."
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Sampung prutas - sure you will laugh....
May 3 hunters na nahuli ng mga cannibals sa gubat. Dinala sila sa harap ng
tribal chief para siya ang pupugot ng ulo.
Nagmakaawa yung mga hunters at naawa naman yung chief.
Chief: Sige hindi namin kayo papatayin, sa isang kondisyon. kailangan
isa-isa kayong mangolekta ng 10 pirasong prutas. dalhin nyo iyon dito at
saka ko sasabihin ang sunod nyong gagawin.
Naghiwa-hiwalay ang tatlong magkakaibigan. Unang dumating si Pedro,
dala-dala'y 10 oranges.
Chief: Ngayon, ipasok mo ang lahat ng mga prutas na iyan sa iyong puwet.
Kailangan ay hindi magbabago ang mukha mo. Konting ngiwi o ngiti lang ay
pupugutan ka agad namin ng ulo.
Unang orange pa lang ang pinapasok ay napa-sigaw agad si Pedro. Agad siyang
pinugutan ng ulo.
Sunod na dumating ay si Juan, dala-dala'y 10 lansones. Tuwang-tuwa siya ng
in-explain sa kanya nung Chief kung ano ang kailangan nyang gawin.
Juan: sus! sisiw lang pala. kayang-kaya! buti na lang maliit na prutas ang
kinolekta ko. naipasok ni Juan ang mga lansones sa kanyang puwit ng walang
problema. Ngunit nung nasa pang-10 prutas na siya, bigla siyang napatawa.
Pugot-ulo agad ni Chief.
Pagkamatay ay napunta agad si Juan sa langit kung saan nakita niya si Pedro.
Nagkausap ang dalawa.
Pedro: Sayang Juan! pinapanood kita dito sa langit habang ginagawa mo yung
utos. Isang lansones na lang hindi mo pa tiniis! Buhay ka pa sana ngayon.
Ano bang nangyari sayo?
Juan: Pare, ang dali-dali ngang ipasok nung mga lansones. Kaso, nung
matatapos na ako bigla kong nakita si pareng Jose --- may dala-dalang 10
langka!
tribal chief para siya ang pupugot ng ulo.
Nagmakaawa yung mga hunters at naawa naman yung chief.
Chief: Sige hindi namin kayo papatayin, sa isang kondisyon. kailangan
isa-isa kayong mangolekta ng 10 pirasong prutas. dalhin nyo iyon dito at
saka ko sasabihin ang sunod nyong gagawin.
Naghiwa-hiwalay ang tatlong magkakaibigan. Unang dumating si Pedro,
dala-dala'y 10 oranges.
Chief: Ngayon, ipasok mo ang lahat ng mga prutas na iyan sa iyong puwet.
Kailangan ay hindi magbabago ang mukha mo. Konting ngiwi o ngiti lang ay
pupugutan ka agad namin ng ulo.
Unang orange pa lang ang pinapasok ay napa-sigaw agad si Pedro. Agad siyang
pinugutan ng ulo.
Sunod na dumating ay si Juan, dala-dala'y 10 lansones. Tuwang-tuwa siya ng
in-explain sa kanya nung Chief kung ano ang kailangan nyang gawin.
Juan: sus! sisiw lang pala. kayang-kaya! buti na lang maliit na prutas ang
kinolekta ko. naipasok ni Juan ang mga lansones sa kanyang puwit ng walang
problema. Ngunit nung nasa pang-10 prutas na siya, bigla siyang napatawa.
Pugot-ulo agad ni Chief.
Pagkamatay ay napunta agad si Juan sa langit kung saan nakita niya si Pedro.
Nagkausap ang dalawa.
Pedro: Sayang Juan! pinapanood kita dito sa langit habang ginagawa mo yung
utos. Isang lansones na lang hindi mo pa tiniis! Buhay ka pa sana ngayon.
Ano bang nangyari sayo?
Juan: Pare, ang dali-dali ngang ipasok nung mga lansones. Kaso, nung
matatapos na ako bigla kong nakita si pareng Jose --- may dala-dalang 10
langka!
WAL-MART Job Interview
A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart. An office
manager at Wal-Mart
was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a
job opening. After
sorting through a stackof resumes he found four people
who were equally
qualified - an American, a Russian, an Australian and
a Filipino. He
decided to call the four in and ask them only one
question. Their answer
would determine which of them would get the job.The
day came and as the
four sat around the conference room table.
Manager:"What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Dave (American): "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your
head. There's
no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A
thought is the
fastest thing I know of."
Manager: "That's very good! And now you sir?" he asked
Vladimir, the
Russian.
Vladimir (Russian) "Hmm.... let mesee. A BLINK! It
comes and goes
and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is
the fastest
thing I kn ow of."
Manager: "Excellent! The blink of an eye, that's a
very popular cliche
for speed."
He then turned to George, the Australian who was
contemplating his
reply.
George (Australian): "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you
step out of the
house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you
flip that switch,
way outacross the pasture the light in the barn comes
on. Yep, TURNING
ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third
answer and thought
he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of
light" he said.
Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and
final man, the
interviewer posed the same question.
Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers
serrr, et's obyus
to me dat da pastest ting known is Diarrhea."
"WHAT!?" said the
interviewer, stunned by the response. "O I can expleyn
serrr." said
Eleuterio. "YOU SEE SERR, DA odderday I wasn't peeling
so good
and I ran soo past to da CR or batroom. But, bipor I
could THINK,
BLINK, or TURN ON DA LIGHT, ay 'tang ina, I already
had a poo-poo in
my pants.
Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.
manager at Wal-Mart
was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a
job opening. After
sorting through a stackof resumes he found four people
who were equally
qualified - an American, a Russian, an Australian and
a Filipino. He
decided to call the four in and ask them only one
question. Their answer
would determine which of them would get the job.The
day came and as the
four sat around the conference room table.
Manager:"What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Dave (American): "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your
head. There's
no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A
thought is the
fastest thing I know of."
Manager: "That's very good! And now you sir?" he asked
Vladimir, the
Russian.
Vladimir (Russian) "Hmm.... let mesee. A BLINK! It
comes and goes
and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is
the fastest
thing I kn ow of."
Manager: "Excellent! The blink of an eye, that's a
very popular cliche
for speed."
He then turned to George, the Australian who was
contemplating his
reply.
George (Australian): "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you
step out of the
house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you
flip that switch,
way outacross the pasture the light in the barn comes
on. Yep, TURNING
ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third
answer and thought
he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of
light" he said.
Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and
final man, the
interviewer posed the same question.
Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers
serrr, et's obyus
to me dat da pastest ting known is Diarrhea."
"WHAT!?" said the
interviewer, stunned by the response. "O I can expleyn
serrr." said
Eleuterio. "YOU SEE SERR, DA odderday I wasn't peeling
so good
and I ran soo past to da CR or batroom. But, bipor I
could THINK,
BLINK, or TURN ON DA LIGHT, ay 'tang ina, I already
had a poo-poo in
my pants.
Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.
Men and Women
Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the women leave them.
7. Although the women leave them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the women leave them.
7. Although the women leave them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you
Marriage is a strange phenomenon that happens...
Marriage is a strange phenomenon that happens to human beings. And the best part is, both the unmarried and the married are unhappy, though for radically opposite reasons, one for not being married, and the other for being married;-). We present you with some great marriage jokes, and we are sure you will love them.
So just read on!Read Full Article ...
So just read on!Read Full Article ...
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